A Work in Progress
Let's talk about where I've been...
Right here. Living my life. Working. Hanging out with friends/family.
Somewhere along the way, I felt like I had nothing "blogworthy" to mention. My days are filled with sleep, work, and a handful of friends. A lot of it feels like I'm living the same day over and over again but with different conversations. Part of me thinks that's rather depressing. The other part of me enjoys the repetition. It's kind of like a comfort zone for me. Comfort zones can be good for a little while. But then at some point (and without me every really noticing) it became a hole. A deep hole. My so called "comfort zone" made me uncomfortable almost everywhere else. I felt so different from everyone. Conversations with people I didn't know very well were painful. My social skills in situations that were not part of my "normal every day" were completely faked. It became exhausting to carry on a 10 minute conversation. I wanted to be mean to everyone, and I was a few times. I am not a mean person. I do not like to be mean. Even if you're mean to me, I'm just gonna throw kindness all up in your face. I'll vent about it to a friend, then move on. But it's been different lately. I haven't been able to move on (I just re-read this paragraph...yikes. This is not who I want to be).
So, what am I going to do about it? Well, I joined a co-ed softball league. I'm having a great time (we're 3-0, by the way). I've got to get away from work occasionally. It has been so challenging lately. I spend 90% of my time thinking about the LH, and the other 10% stressed out because I'm always working. This is not me asking for more time off (I'm leaving for the beach today (Wednesday) and staying until Sunday). I'm telling myself to let it go (most of you thought of the movie "Frozen" when you read "let it go" didn't you? And if you didn't, you are now, and now you're singing it, like I am, aren't you?...You're welcome). I've got an extremely capable assistant as well as an intern. I never realized how much of a control freak I was until this job.
Now, what's next? Who in the heck knows. I keep looking for a manual (like a "Life for Dummies" kind of thing). Life just gets more complicated the older I get, and as negative as that sounds, there have been some positives:
I've learned so much about myself over the last few years...
I've learned how strong I am (even when I'm at my weakest).
I've learned to trust my relationship with God. I don't go to church, which is really hard for people to understand. I claim to be a Christian and I work at a church. So, what in the world do I do on Sundays?...Hey people, why don't you let me worry about that.
I've learned who my true friends are, and how much I depend on my family.
Everyday I'm working on me. I think that one day I'll look back and realize how important these past few years have been. As hard as they've been, they've been worth it. And hopefully at that point I'll know who I am, my purpose, and be happy with it.
I'm just a work in progress. And I'm okay with that.
Right here. Living my life. Working. Hanging out with friends/family.
Somewhere along the way, I felt like I had nothing "blogworthy" to mention. My days are filled with sleep, work, and a handful of friends. A lot of it feels like I'm living the same day over and over again but with different conversations. Part of me thinks that's rather depressing. The other part of me enjoys the repetition. It's kind of like a comfort zone for me. Comfort zones can be good for a little while. But then at some point (and without me every really noticing) it became a hole. A deep hole. My so called "comfort zone" made me uncomfortable almost everywhere else. I felt so different from everyone. Conversations with people I didn't know very well were painful. My social skills in situations that were not part of my "normal every day" were completely faked. It became exhausting to carry on a 10 minute conversation. I wanted to be mean to everyone, and I was a few times. I am not a mean person. I do not like to be mean. Even if you're mean to me, I'm just gonna throw kindness all up in your face. I'll vent about it to a friend, then move on. But it's been different lately. I haven't been able to move on (I just re-read this paragraph...yikes. This is not who I want to be).
So, what am I going to do about it? Well, I joined a co-ed softball league. I'm having a great time (we're 3-0, by the way). I've got to get away from work occasionally. It has been so challenging lately. I spend 90% of my time thinking about the LH, and the other 10% stressed out because I'm always working. This is not me asking for more time off (I'm leaving for the beach today (Wednesday) and staying until Sunday). I'm telling myself to let it go (most of you thought of the movie "Frozen" when you read "let it go" didn't you? And if you didn't, you are now, and now you're singing it, like I am, aren't you?...You're welcome). I've got an extremely capable assistant as well as an intern. I never realized how much of a control freak I was until this job.
Now, what's next? Who in the heck knows. I keep looking for a manual (like a "Life for Dummies" kind of thing). Life just gets more complicated the older I get, and as negative as that sounds, there have been some positives:
I've learned so much about myself over the last few years...
I've learned how strong I am (even when I'm at my weakest).
I've learned to trust my relationship with God. I don't go to church, which is really hard for people to understand. I claim to be a Christian and I work at a church. So, what in the world do I do on Sundays?...Hey people, why don't you let me worry about that.
I've learned who my true friends are, and how much I depend on my family.
Everyday I'm working on me. I think that one day I'll look back and realize how important these past few years have been. As hard as they've been, they've been worth it. And hopefully at that point I'll know who I am, my purpose, and be happy with it.
I'm just a work in progress. And I'm okay with that.
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