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Square One

Hi there.

Been a while. I just realized that my last update was in June 2017. Can't even begin to tell you all that's happened since then. I've got about 8 posts that I started, all about different things, that I never finished. The way my life was going, the writing was not something that was inspiring at the time. It felt like a chore. Like I was doing it for everyone else and not for me. Writing is an outlet for me. If it doesn't serve as an outlet, I don't want to do it. Somewhere along the way, I started to keep things inside (spoiler alert: that made things worse). So, here I am, trying to make things better, for me.

This season without my mom (that will last for the rest of my life) has been an overwhelming one to say the least. It's been 4 years, but I believe when certain life-changing things happen to you time is something you can lose track of. To help with that I just write things down. Whether in a list form or paragraph form, just write it. Someti…
Recent posts

"What are you doing these days?"

I've been dodging a lot of questions about the current state I am in (it's Tennessee in case you forgot). But seriously. I could honestly keep dodging. It's my business. My life. However, I've always pretty much been an open book. I also feel like if you are comfortable sharing your good circumstances, maybe sharing your not so good circumstances could help someone else.

Social media masks one's life. Everyone looks like they're living their best life, and I suppose they actually could be. But I think we can confuse "best" with "perfect". Nothing is perfect. And that's okay.

So, here we go.

The past year has been an interesting one. I haven't had a super steady job since I left Birmingham. I've really been trying to figure out what I want to do. What I enjoy doing. Turns out travel is at the top of my list, but all I can do with that right now is spend money, not make any. I don't think life is all about making money, but it …

2016

#BestNine has been trending on social media the past week few weeks. I did one but decided that I needed a blog post dedicated to it.


Not sure if you noticed a recurring theme (spoiler alert: it's my mom). 2016 was my first full calendar year without her (January 1st - December 31st). In 2015 I had her for almost 3 months. I spent the remaining 9 months wandering. Wandering in sorrow, depression, hopelessness, among other things. I remember how I felt January 1st of 2016. I vividly remember taking a deep breath and taking my first step toward a full calendar year without her. 
2016 brought about a lot of changes. Most notably my move to Nashville. A move that I still stand firmly by today. This city has given me a lot of insight into who I am. It has also given me insight into the world. I've met some interesting people. I've watched and learned from these people. I've learned from my own experiences, too. I strongly believe that when I look back on this move 50 years …

August Nashville Update (I've got to get more creative with post titles)

It's been almost 4 months to the day since I last posted. That was not my intention, but A LOT has happened since then.

Let's start with my house in Birmingham. I "put it on the market" (sort of). As soon as I told my realtor I was ready to put it on the market someone was already interested in looking at it (I've got a great realtor!). They checked it out and made an offer. The rest is history. I finally got my name off the utilities, mailed/returned the keys...everything. It was bitter/sweet to let it go. My mother found that house (she specifically wrote "GREAT DECK!" in her notes...that I still have). She loved it! She decorated it. She made it a home. She took such good care of me, and she was so excited about the new chapter in my life 3 years ago when I decided to buy a house. I'm so sad she hasn't been a part of this new chapter. I feel like I'm finally coming into my own and she's not here...physically. We can't talk about i…

Leap of Faith

Shortly after my mother died, I wanted to make a change. In the beginning, I was trying to run away from all of the pain and sorrow, hoping that a change of scenery would fix everything. When I came back to reality I knew that wasn't the answer. However, a change of scenery was still heavy on my heart.

In October of last year I visited Nashville with my best friend and fell in love. The city was beautiful and just a breath of fresh air. By then it had been about 6 months since my mom passed. Since the feeling to "shake things up" was still there, I decided it was time to make plans to move forward. Now, my plans were a little different. I wanted to take some time off. I didn't want to find a job immediately, which I know is different from the norm. But I had the ability to, and with everything that had happened, I felt like I deserved it. 
So, the ball started rolling. I made arrangements at work. It was all a little bitter/sweet. I was leaving my first very first bi…

Caretaker

I have been trying to write this since August of 2015. A lot has happened since then, but one thing has remained... my father. He's been through so much, and I just don't feel like he's gotten enough credit from me over the years. A daughter's relationship with her father is different than her relationship with her mother. I always felt so lucky because we had a lot in common (sports, hunting, etc). Still do. My love for my daddy runs as deep as my love for my mom. We just show it differently. So, here's the original post, with some edits...

Over the past few years, I have dedicated so many posts, pictures, etc. to my mother. She deserves infinite posts, but another person that deserves the same is my dad. The caretaker of our entire family since day one. And more so, my mom's main caretaker. He has gone above and beyond. My mom didn't get sick until my second year of college, so I haven't been at home watching him everyday. But I didn't need to be.…

Memories fill my mind, love and hope fill my heart.

This time a year ago, life was going in a direction I never thought it would. I was gradually saying goodbye to my mother. It was a bit of a roller coaster. She would have a good day or two, then a bad day. It was such a roller coaster of emotions. It was exhausting but I kept fighting it because I knew my time with her was limited. Tough to fight the inevitable.

Here I am almost a year after she left and I feel even heavier this time around. In a different way I suppose. Life is different, but I miss her just the same. I want to call her all the time. I catch myself still. My insides tighten when I realize I can't. I know I'm not the first person to lose their mother, and I know I won't be the last. But I am the first to lose MY mother. She was truly one of a kind. A daughter, sister, friend, mother, aunt, grandmother for the books.

I am still looking for a job in Nashville. A little scary, but I know it'll work out. It always does. God has been so gracious and mercif…