Leap of Faith

Shortly after my mother died, I wanted to make a change. In the beginning, I was trying to run away from all of the pain and sorrow, hoping that a change of scenery would fix everything. When I came back to reality I knew that wasn't the answer. However, a change of scenery was still heavy on my heart.

In October of last year I visited Nashville with my best friend and fell in love. The city was beautiful and just a breath of fresh air. By then it had been about 6 months since my mom passed. Since the feeling to "shake things up" was still there, I decided it was time to make plans to move forward. Now, my plans were a little different. I wanted to take some time off. I didn't want to find a job immediately, which I know is different from the norm. But I had the ability to, and with everything that had happened, I felt like I deserved it. 

So, the ball started rolling. I made arrangements at work. It was all a little bitter/sweet. I was leaving my first very first big girl job. I learned a lot about others. I learned a whole hell of a lot about myself. There were bad days, and really good days. This job gave me the ability to be with my ailing mother during the last years, months and days of her life. It had great benefits and a lot of freedom, but I couldn't justify working there anymore. I loved a lot of the people I got to meet and work with, but my heart wasn't in it anymore. Ministry is not something you can fake. Or at least it's not something you can fake for a long period of time. It wasn't fair to me, it wasn't fair to the people, and it wasn't fair to the church/ministry/community. It was time to take care of me, and figure out what I really wanted.

Sometimes learning about yourself and who you really are can be a painful process. Mine was no different. I had to peel back layers that had built up over the years for whatever reason. I finally knew who I was and I wanted to go and be it in Nashville. I'm a work in progress and I feel like that's an ongoing thing for most people. Never been mad about learning new things about myself and others everyday. So, here's to that.

Now, here I am (more or less) settled in Nashville. I just got offered a job yesterday with Mountain High Outfitters. Yes, retail. Yes, I'm ecstatic about it! Turns out they are in a bit of transition with their managers, and I interviewed very well and with my past management experience have the opportunity to "climb the ladder" fairly quickly. This may end up being a career, it may not. I am just enjoying the ride. I want to do that...enjoy the ride. I'm a laid back, hard worker. Those can work together. 

Balance. I'm learning that's what life is about. There will be good and bad. Sometimes you gotta work to find the good. Sometimes it just comes. You have to take the bad as well. It's just part of life. 

I will never get over the loss of my mother. I've wanted to call her (actually almost picked up the phone yesterday to do so) and tell her everything. But I will make the most of this life. I'll have some really bad days, and some really good days, and I'll push forward. I'll take care of myself, the ones I love and all the souls I've yet to meet. And whenever I'm called Home, I'll be ready and at peace.