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Square One

Hi there.

Been a while. I just realized that my last update was in June 2017. Can't even begin to tell you all that's happened since then. I've got about 8 posts that I started, all about different things, that I never finished. The way my life was going, the writing was not something that was inspiring at the time. It felt like a chore. Like I was doing it for everyone else and not for me. Writing is an outlet for me. If it doesn't serve as an outlet, I don't want to do it. Somewhere along the way, I started to keep things inside (spoiler alert: that made things worse). So, here I am, trying to make things better, for me.

This season without my mom (that will last for the rest of my life) has been an overwhelming one to say the least. It's been 4 years, but I believe when certain life-changing things happen to you time is something you can lose track of. To help with that I just write things down. Whether in a list form or paragraph form, just write it. Sometimes it turns into something more, sometimes its purpose is served when the thought is transferred to paper.

So, as for a life update, this one is hard-
I no longer work at Shipt.

I know, I know- that was fast.

*Side-ish note: Shipt is a fantastic company! If you get a chance to work for Shipt in any capacity, do it! You will not regret it.*

In my short time there I met some really cool people. I am so incredibly sad I didn't get to know them better as well as meet everyone. Every single reason it didn't work out had to do with my own personal issues. I started having panic attacks, I couldn't sleep. I arrived at work every morning like things were okay, but they were not. Ultimately, two things were happening:
1. I was miserable.
2. I felt like Shipt deserved more.

So I left. We talked and I'm pretty sure no bridges were burned, but it made me incredibly sad. I spent the next few weeks in my house. I'm not exaggerating. Inside my house on my couch. Crying and eating and sleeping and keeping my dogs alive (which simultaneously kept me alive- thank God for pets, right?!?!). And Shipt is everywhere. The grocery store where I shop (Publix, duh). I am currently in a coffee shop across from Pepper Place and the Shipt logo is on the side of their building staring at me as I walk to my car. It's everywhere! And honestly, it should be. I cannot stress enough how amazing that company is, and I only got to experience the tip of the iceberg of what they have to offer. I think this will be one of the moments in my life I look back on and wonder what could have been...

But alas, I have to move forward. So I am back to the drawing board. Job searching, driving for Lyft, trying to keep my head up. A job doesn't define you, but I think they're important for people who prefer the "9-5". It gives you some purpose, gets you out of the house, you meet all kinds of people. For me personally, a job is important. And I've just been floating around too long.

So, there you have it.

Life can be hard. Things happen every single day that affect your path. They way you respond can alter it. If you are genuinely doing your best, don't be so hard on yourself. Keep trying. Don't give up.

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