Today
Mother's Day was created for mothers like mine. To remind you of their selflessness, love, support, and care. My mom was the most selfless. She loved with all she had, supported in every way, and cared for you more than herself. We didn't have to be reminded, she showed it everyday. However, it's still hard to imagine today without her, but here I am, being forced to.
She feels close and far away. I can feel her sitting beside me as I type this, but she's far away when I reach for her hand. When I want to call her. When I just want to be with her. We got really good at just being towards the end. I went home a lot the last months of her life. And we mostly just sat together. HGTV was usually on the TV (her favorite), but I don't think either of us were really watching. We were just being. I'm going to miss that more than I realized I would.
How do you make it in a world without your mom? Without my mom? I'm guessing the answer to that question is one of the worst answers of all: you just do. It still hasn't been 30 days without her and it feels like it was 6 months ago...it feels like yesterday.
Here's to you. I wish you were here. I feel like you should be able to visit your mom in Heaven on Mother's Day. Seems cruel that you can't. I love you, and I hope you have the absolute best Mother's day...because you were the absolute best...
And last, but certainly not least...today has been 12 years without Adam. I'm glad my mom is getting to see you after all these years.
Losing Adam has prepared me in certain ways for the loss of my mom. There are A LOT of differences in those losses, but when Adam died I felt like I would never be happy again. After 12 years, I have found some happiness. There are still some bad days, but they've spaced out more and more. I have faith that the same will happen with my mom. It's different (as a child, and daughter, there's nothing like losing your mom), and it'll probably take a lot longer, but the faith is there. It's small, but it's there (Matthew 17:20).
I have to say, when I started today, I wished that Mother's Day had been canceled. Then I remembered that there are a lot of people out there that still have their mother, and that wouldn't be fair. I also have faith that one day Mother's Day will bring more smiles to my face than tears to my eyes. To all of you that still have your mother: Call her. Hug her. Some of us don't have that privilege with our own anymore.
She feels close and far away. I can feel her sitting beside me as I type this, but she's far away when I reach for her hand. When I want to call her. When I just want to be with her. We got really good at just being towards the end. I went home a lot the last months of her life. And we mostly just sat together. HGTV was usually on the TV (her favorite), but I don't think either of us were really watching. We were just being. I'm going to miss that more than I realized I would.
How do you make it in a world without your mom? Without my mom? I'm guessing the answer to that question is one of the worst answers of all: you just do. It still hasn't been 30 days without her and it feels like it was 6 months ago...it feels like yesterday.
Here's to you. I wish you were here. I feel like you should be able to visit your mom in Heaven on Mother's Day. Seems cruel that you can't. I love you, and I hope you have the absolute best Mother's day...because you were the absolute best...
There are also a couple other mothers I can't leave without mentioning...my sisters. Being on this journey would be absolutely unbearable if I didn't have them. Not just siblings. But these specific ones. These sisters. Wish we didn't have to do this, but I'm glad we're together. I love you girls. And know that you are fantastic mothers. You learned from the best (have I said before that I our mom was the best? Because she was).
And last, but certainly not least...today has been 12 years without Adam. I'm glad my mom is getting to see you after all these years.
Losing Adam has prepared me in certain ways for the loss of my mom. There are A LOT of differences in those losses, but when Adam died I felt like I would never be happy again. After 12 years, I have found some happiness. There are still some bad days, but they've spaced out more and more. I have faith that the same will happen with my mom. It's different (as a child, and daughter, there's nothing like losing your mom), and it'll probably take a lot longer, but the faith is there. It's small, but it's there (Matthew 17:20).
I have to say, when I started today, I wished that Mother's Day had been canceled. Then I remembered that there are a lot of people out there that still have their mother, and that wouldn't be fair. I also have faith that one day Mother's Day will bring more smiles to my face than tears to my eyes. To all of you that still have your mother: Call her. Hug her. Some of us don't have that privilege with our own anymore.
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