Struggling

So, it's been about 3 weeks since my last post. Things have been hard. I know I've been failing. But here's what I think (it's my opinion so please correct me if you think I'm wrong...I'm here to learn)...

I feel that when you decide to commit yourself to the Lord, things get harder and better at the same time. I believe that because you start to think more about what you do and say. When before, you just did and said whatever. I believe most people give up because they think everything is just gonna be sunshine and butterflies when they decide to live for the Lord. I think committing yourself to live for God is a "state of mind" thing. Also, a "state of heart" thing. I think I just made that up. Your state of mind means your mood and/or outlook. Which if you're living for the Lord, then your mood should be excited and your outlook should be positive. Because you know that whatever happens is supposed to, and that the Lord is leading the way, which is much safer than you leading. State of heart, well, since I kind of made it up, I guess I need a definition. You begin to feel different. You care more. You love more. Like Jesus loved. Which is so very hard. I've never understood the saying "love like Jesus loved" when Jesus is perfect and we can never be perfect. I really do want to be who Jesus wants me to be. But I feel like I'm going in the wrong direction.

Things have happened recently that have made me think more. I feel like things are just a little off balance right now. Just a weird feeling. Kind of like I'm stuck. I don't like it.

Thank you all for your prayers. They have helped, even though this post makes it sound like they haven't. Please keep them coming. Things will get better, I know they will. God is leading, I need to start following. Seriously.