Rambling about life. A lot of rambling.

It's 4AM, and I can't sleep. That has a lot to do with the fact that I slept til 1 then got back in bed at 4:30 this afternoon and slept til around 7:30. I haven't been feeling well, but I'm hoping that crazy nap I took this afternoon/night helped. I am feeling better so maybe it did.

I want to start of by saying I'm feeling rather emotional tonight. I just watched Marley and Me. A great movie but sad too. On top of that, a lot is happening. But it's mostly in my head. I've only got 5 months of school left. That is scary. For a while I really thought I knew what I was doing right after I graduated. The Coast Guard seemed like something I really wanted to do. Which I still think it is. But of course, being me (and the people that really know me know what I mean), I put it on hold. It just feels like the right thing to do to be close to my family and friends right now. No one in my family really gets too far away. Anna is the only one. She was 7 hours away for a while, and my family hated it, but she was happy. She met Cole while she was 7 hours away, so we're all thankful for that. Now, she's only about 3 hours away, and she is located where all of the Howell cousins and my aunt and uncle are located. Needless to say, she got it right when she moved the second time.

My only big concern about not doing the Coast Guard right after graduation is that now would be kind of perfect. I don't have a serious boyfriend, a husband, or a family of my own. I'm going to be done with school. My options are just wide open. I think if I can't find a job shortly after I graduate, the USCG will be plan b. You always need a back up plan, because sometimes you can follow through on plan a to a tee, and something is going to change, and you'll need a plan b. Funny thing is, I don't even really plan. Ever. I just like to go with the flow. I think that might change as I get older, but I could be wrong. Sometimes it's fun, but sometimes it just adds stress.

I honestly never saw myself being this old. I know, I know. I'm only 23. But when I was 16, I never saw myself here. 5 months away from graduating college. I didn't even really want to go to college, but in my family, it's kind of in the "contract". I'm glad it is too. College has been tough, but fun. I've learned a lot about myself. I've made some irreplaceable friends, and some great memories. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Part of me wishes I could do it over again. Just not the whole school/studying part. There are just certain moments in my life that I wish I could live forever. I don't really want to be in school forever, but I would love to live with Grace forever. Hang out with her and Tommy all the time. Have Meagan and JB, and Mary Alice and Rob down the road. I am kind of in that moment right now, but it's getting close to the end. Every ending is just a new beginning.

Oh dear, I feel like I'm just rambling now. I am. Ok. My computer is about to die anyway so I guess that's a sign. Just know that a lot of things are going to be changing over the next few months. So, please excuse the rambling, emotional posts. Sometimes, at 4AM, these posts are all I have.