10 years later...

I remember the night we met. Summer of 2002. We were at a mutual friend's house. We got introduced to each other. Me being the girl that never really dated (mostly because everyone wanted to date my friends) never thought much of it. Before I left we made eye contact. I remember feeling something, but I thought, "There's no way he's interested. Don't think anything of it." So, I didn't.

Fast forward a few weeks. Ended up riding around the big town of Monroeville with him and 2 other friends. We had a chance to talk a little bit, and he told me I missed his birthday. We laughed, and I apologized and invited him to my party. Every year since I can remember I would have a swimming party before school started. He showed up with friend. He bought me a picture frame. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Megan Williams helped him pick it out. It's still in my room at my parents house.

Fast forward even further, after months of me finally getting over myself, he asked me to be his girlfriend for the last time, and we officially started dating on January 11th, 2003. It was such a happy time. We were MSN messenger and email people back then. I don't even think I had texting. This was the second to last email he sent me...

His nickname was Pink. That was his nickname before me, and I was told it was because he was so much like the character named Pink in Dazed and Confused. I always called him Adam. He had wanted to be a Marine since he could remember. That was his dream, and that is what we were trying to deal with. He would be going off to training after he graduated (in less than 3 weeks after he sent this). And this was his last email to me...

I was going on a mission trip with my youth group. The last time I saw him was the day before I left. The next time I saw him, he was unconscious on a stretcher being taken to a helicopter that was going to Mobile. That boy loved me, and I sure loved him. I wish he was here...to experience everything we could have done together. As a couple or as friends. I would take either. 

I thought I'd feel different after 10 years. Better, maybe? I'm not sure. It's just weird to think the world has gone on for so long after he left. It's always odd to think that in the middle of your worst day, there's someone out there having their best. And vice versa. 

We don't usually recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We tend to take things for granted, and it's not on purpose. This has taught me not to. This has taught me that all of the people in my life are significant, and whenever God decides to put the right guy in front of me, I'll do it right this time. 

I miss him, but I can't go back. I have to move forward. As painful as it is to feel like I'm leaving him behind, I have to go. I know he'd want me to quit moping (especially after 10 years). Sometimes it's just a hit or miss thing. I'm having those great days when every time I think of him I smile. Then there are days when I'm incredibly lonely, and would give my life just to see him again.

But I have things to do down here. When it's my time, I'll go willingly. Until then, here's to living.